So that's exciting. Really exciting. I was so nervous I wanted to throw up on the way to the gym. I lingered before going to the gym in hopes that someone would want to go with me so they could help me figure out my system for taking weight off, but no one was free, so I set off alone.
I kept my hand over my heart to keep it in my chest as I walked into the gym,
and I couldn't control my breathing well enough to be normal.
I ended up just looking really sick, and I felt so lightheaded and dizzy.
I could barely drive to the gym because my head was so full of fuzzy things rolling around,
and when I finally got there I had to sit in the car to collect myself and not throw up.
I could barely see as I walked to the desk to fill out a waiver for 2015. My eyes were so unfocused.
 |
| I was like Cindy waiting for dinner |
I couldn't even plan my hangboard session out before I went because every time
I thought about dipping my hands in chalk, blowing, and touching holds
I wanted to puke from excitement and nervousness.
There was a river running through my brain that rushed
too quickly to follow
and thinking about anything made me dizzier.
I hyperventilated for a while unpacking my bag
really slowly, hand still over my heart.
I couldn't bring myself to do anything except fumble with my carabiners and cord, tying unsuccessful eight knots.
Everything felt so surreal and didn't make any sense to my rushing head, and my eyes still didn't see.
Nothing seemed real as I clumsily unrolled my chalk pot,
dropped it, and picked it up again.
The moment of clarity finally came
as I blew chalk off my hands and looked up
My first hangboard session was kinda terrible and made me remember that being high maintenance sucks. Rigging up a pulley system in a crowded gym is a bad decision, and I will definitely be doing it again on Monday. I didn't do a real workout because I was freaking out so much beforehand and was still kinda dizzy. I just warmed up and held holds and tried not to cry from happiness. I did repeaters on slopers and one arm lockoffs on my good arm. And I told random people over and over again that this was a system to take weight off me because my physical therapist told me to, and no I don't need help; yes, please leave me alone.
I was there for a total of an hour maybe, and around 30 minutes of that was spent setting up or talking to curious people. But I wasn't sore the next day and my shoulder felt fine! I'm so excited to begin the process of getting back into climbing. I've worked to heal my shoulder for the past four months and I can hardly believe that it's time to start transitioning into climbing again. This went by a lot faster than I thought it would before surgery. I know that I'm far from finished with this and I'm just now getting into the really hard part, but I'm ready. I'm so ready to listen to my body and work hard to keep my healing in balance to make a full recovery. I'm not going to let being too psyched get in the way of becoming totally healed. I'm enjoying right now, and the experience of starting fresh.
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